The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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