So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
