oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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