Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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