we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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