Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
