So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
