you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
