he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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