what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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