She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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