Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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