he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There r osticjed everywhere
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
