I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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