He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
