i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
