This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize