Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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