i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
