does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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