Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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