I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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