Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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