Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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