we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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