From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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