It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize