I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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