i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
