ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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