i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Randomize
