Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
