he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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