I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
