I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
