Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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