He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
