I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
