maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
