I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
