If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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