therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
