It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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