he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
