can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
