I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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