True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize