The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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