mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
