Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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