you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
