my vag is so smooth its legendary
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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