you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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