you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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