You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
