Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
