So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
