i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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